Have u ever wonder WHY ?

Saturday..... was on my way back to Johor to my grandparents home for Cheng Meng (praying for ancestors)...... it was a long journey ..... having so much time while traveling and also being back to a little village gave me so much time to reflect on my life....... career, family, friends, relationship and my lifestyle as general...

Career - having to settle here in Malaysia was not as bad as i thought..can't believe it has been 2 years and 4 months since i left Sydney where i used to call home..... things has really picked up since beginning of last year....i finally see results... i've always love to explore my creativity and i finally have the chance in doing it..... good or bad i dont know....coz there is still a very long journey in my path..... experiencing each and every moment of it with open eyes and heart..... it may look good for some people but then again it has it's ups and down....not knowing what obstacle is waiting infront of me..... will i be able to overcome the obstacle?... being weak is not the answer.... keep telling myself "jimmy, u've gotta be strong....u can do it" is not easy as i thought it would be...... i may look confident at times...but the truth is right inside my heart which i seldom let it out...... i often loose hope in the things i do.....i need constant reminder especially from people that matters the most...... without them, i am nothing...thanx so much for all your support..but the bad thing is that they dont know....... considering the time frame that i have been here in M'sia...i think i'm doing not too bad.....but the one thing that i am proud of is not how well i'm doing........ looking back from the start...i have seen non dancers becoming dancers......dancers becoming good dancers......and that is all becoz of all your hardwork, patience and passion....thanx so much...... seeing them grow is what i look upon to...... the feeling is unexplainable...... dancing is one thing ...... but passion is another..... being able to touch someones heart in doing wht i love doing is wht i am aiming for..... i thought that is my intentions...until last week .....changed my perception how i look at thing..... a member from California Fitness came up to me after my class...she came and gave me a present...i was shocked...surprised....i thought it was Birthday..... she told me that it was a farewell present....she's leaving for Sweden for good.... and she thanked me for being so patient and being such a good instructor...... i was overwhelmed....she was a member which i never even talked to previously....I WAS TOUCHED..... that was a totally different feeling from making someone touched..it was reversed....she had made me feel wht i've been trying to make others feel..... and at that moment i knew... all i have to is continue to do what i love doing most. some of u reading this might not understand wht this is all about...... but sometimes alittle praise from the heart is what most of us r working towards for...it builts the little confidence in your heart that makes u keep going further.. it's not about being the best or number 1. ...coz no body is the best...no matter how good u r...there is always someone, somewhere better than u..... BE THE BEST THAT U CAN BE........

Family - being at the little village where my parents came from, with uncles, aunty, gradparents, cousins and in-laws gather together has never been the same as before..... made me realize the importance of family.....as i had always been overseas most of my life.....i wasn't close at all with any of my family members.....but this time around, it has been different......something i've really never felt before..... made me realize that no matter how long u've been away..they r still family and treats u like one......it's comfortable for the very first time... talked to most of them and really get to know more of them...... after 25 years..finally i really understand the value of family...i guess it depends on the family itself.....i know not all families r that way......but i'm glad i have a family that doesn;t look at u differently and judge u just because u r brought up differentlyi talked to one of my cousin ..... and realize that life really is't fair.....she's around 30..worked more than i've ever worked......but yet she still cant get anywhere....wonder why?.... i believe she's a very hardworking person..... and good at wht she is doing...but why ?....some people work twice or three time harder but yet they r still going no where..... is it really fate?....is this just the beginning or will it be just it for her?..... i felt that life was so unfair...but then again...LIFE IS UNFAIR......that is what makes it FAIR......(reality....FACT). ..i'm just greatfull of wht i have....

Friends - friendship.......it's unexplainable for me.....without them, i'm nothing...it's like oxygen....but, is that person who cares about u...accompany u....talk to u or help u when in trouble really your true friend?....ever wonder why some friends r nice to u?...really nice to u?.....extra nice to u?....really your friend? i'm always the type of person who likes sharing....especially with friend.....genuine friends.....friends that makes u feel appreciated..... and not just taken for granted..... not easy to find i may say..... they come and go...it's sad...really sad....yes i may have lots of friends....but how many of them r really genuine to me?.....ever wonder why they want to be my friend?...... r they taking advantage of me?...... do they just wanna know me coz i know somebody?..... but that doesnt matter..the question is.....m i a nice person?..... why does he or she hate me?...... do they really like me?......i often question myself..... why people wanna be my friend?.....and why some dont want.....bad people have friends...good people have friends..... no matter GOOD or BAD...u all are my FRIENDS ...love u all.....

Relationship - right now?...hhmm...donno how to explain.....as usual it has its ups and downs.....sometimes i just wonder if he really loves me..?....wonder why he choose me and not others?...i know for the fact that i am not the best bf material......or even as a person....there r so many nicer people..more good looking...better heart guy out there....but why me?.......m i really the lucky one..?....is he real to me?....one thing i know is that i do love him alot...lately we have not been spending too much time together.....he's been busy with work for the past few months....but much better now....but in the last few weeks...i've been busy......which is good coz it means more income....but money isn't everything.....i feel lonely at times without him.....NOW, for example.....he's not home yet....i have been away on saturday and just came back yesterday.....didn't spend much time with him yesterday.... and today....i have no class in the evening so i was hoping he would come back early today..so at least we can have dinner together and spend a little quality time together.....but...he called and said that he'll be going to a friend's Birthday dinner.....i dont mind....but he didn't ask me if i wanted to come along....sometimes i feel left out.....Lonely......baby i miss u....but i do need to give him some time with his friends....i know and i understand....he needs some time with his friends.....but was just hoping he would at least ask me if i wanted to join him....but no matter wht.....he must have his reasons for not asking me to join..and i respect him for that...... i just miss u....i hope u'll be back soon....